Popped my Blogging cherry!

TO BEGIN MY BLOG I WILL LET YOU KNOW I HATE AND RARELY USE PROPER PUNCTUATION... I LIKE MY OWN, SO IF YOU CAN'T DEAL... LEARN OR G.T.F.O.! And I dont give a shit if you like this.. it's my friggin BLOG and I'll type whatever I wanna type for however long i wanna type.

So.. I popped my Blogging cherry.

"Hey! Go Easy... it won't hurt :)... much"

I'm watching Hiiiiiiiigh Fidelity. Yeeees. John Cusak's all time top five..

There aren't enough top fives out there. COMMON PEOPLE!!!

this is where I'm supposed to say...

"Ooooh not enough top fives, well lemme see if by listing some dumbass top five listing I can change the rotation of the earth! Or maybe lessen the worlds gravitational pull allowing all of us to run faster, walk lighter and of course... GET MORE MILES TO THE FRIGGIN' GALLON!!! MY GOD!!! DIDN'T WE KICK IRAQS ASS FOR A REASON... HELLO?!? OIL!!! COMMON.. DON'T FOR A SECOND THINK WE WERE JUST BEING NICE AND HELPING PEOPLE OUT.. THE UNITED STATES ARE ONLY "UNITED" WHEN WE ARE IN THE SHIT. THATS RIGHT! THE SHIT...

whew.. sorry.. breathe... ok

Right now john cusak is screaming in the pouring rain because charlie (catherine zeta-jones) broke up with him and started dating a co-worker... and that's what john cusak was worried about!!! Now.. did she hook up with the co-worker because he was afraid or was it inevitable? Was he just right??!! Was he worried for a reason??? GOD! women are crazy...

Wait!!! You right there... yes i'm talking to you... asking yourself "Is he talking to me?" Yes you.

YES! If you are a WOMAN or soon to be WOMAN.. Lemme give you a hint...

YOU ARE CRAZY! and you make us men crazy! We get our whole lives together.. the bills taken care of, the car perfectly waxed washed and with a kick ass sytem in it. Perfect friends, drinkin beers, playin music, livin' life, jumping out of perfectly good airplanes at 13,500 feet.. the world is perfect! and then...

Hi, I'm [- - - -] (if we've dated put your name there)

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!! NO NO NO NO NO...

Let's do a lil comparison.. pre-girlfriend to girlfriend to post girlfriend...and you fuggers know i'm right too!

1st the bills - they were together and now i spend all my friggin money on you! thanks!

2nd the car - GOD FOR BID I want to take some time out of my day to keep my only mode of transportation clean.. except for my friggin' shoes. But Nooo.. what do we hear? "You mean to tell me you would rather wax your car then spend time with me???"

Well Quite Frankly...YES!!! but we know we can't say that cause then we won't get laid for like a week unless youre like me and you can sweet talk your way out of anything...and a week with no sex turns into a challenge: (hmm.. wonder how fast i could pounce that girl and have her tearin' at my bed sheets diggin her nails so far into my back i can feel her grabbing my heart!!!)

CLAP! WAKE UP BILLY!

sorry guys kinda drifted there...

before we continue replace the word "item" with whatever you hold dear to your heart.

as for 3 4 and 5, 6, 7, 8, - 897,654.. it follows the same pattern. Just take your precious "item" and drop it on the ground... then kick it a lil with your toe to make sure it's dead. then look around to make sure no one is watching then take a 12" long 1'4" thick clear plastic tube and run it from the nearest fireant hill to "item" which you held close but now lies on the ground and then set an M.80 in the fireant hill and smoke those fuggers out! down the tube to "item". After the swarm of ants have dined and feasted on "item" light it on fire and watch it turn to ashes, then urinate on it... but hey it cant be that bad... it's no problem.. why? because I have love and nothing else matters

(which by the way i totally agree with and would and have given up everything and have given up everything for true love. or so i thought)

so, I do so... I lose touch with my friends, and there it goes... i lose touch with my friends and that leaves me with one person.. yup.. you guessed it "the girlfriend" but thats okay because she's my best friend and my true love and i couldnt want anyone better, shes smart and funny and beautiful in everything and nothing... shes so driven and intelligent and its amazing to be around such a beautiful person..

then folks... i blink..

and it's all opposite..??! what? how could this happen?

And then swirl swirl swirl...around the shit can it goes and I can't stop it... I try.. I buy flowers like i used to and give her lil gifts like i used to, i continue to take her out to dinner and make her suprise deserts at night.. i am insanely spontanious... but not precitably unpredictable... unpredictably unpredictable. Yeeeeessss thats it.

now we are at post-girlfriend. by the way if you break up with a girl or vise versa... dont try it again, it only hurst worse the second time, or the third, or the forth and if theres a fifth.. i feel for you bro. and dont do it again!

And now.. what are we left with? lets recap

- pre-girlfriend :::: had everything
- girlfriend :::: gave up everything for one thing. "love"
- post-girlfriend :::: I gave up everything for love and now love is gone so what am i left with... WHAAAAAAAT?!! How did we get here?! And where did everyone go? Shiiiiit.

So where do I find myself now. In a beautiful place.. I truly love my house. My music has gone further that I expected but not further than i hoped for... My car sounds great! My friends are the best I could ask for... money is good and yes 13,500 ft. you know it! still good!

So whats next? In about a week I'm going to run into such a phenomenal person she will be everything i could ever imagine and ill be everything she has ever wanted and we will have phenomenal "explitive deleted"...you know what i'm talkin about. "close your eyes and imagine the dirtiest nastiest postion doin the craziest things making the hottest sounds and all the while i cant take my eyes off of her because she is soooo perfectly perfect and she can't stop looking and asking and ordering me around... go here, put it there, harder!!! no no harder... damnit billy!!! common youre not shutting the door hard enough common!!! And what did I tell you about your computer, stay off that damn thing... and seriously do you have to constantly listen to music while we're in the car and common put the guitar down!!! Common baby I dont wanna go cook out with your friends and drink Ice Cold Coronas with freshly sliced limes, lets stay in and watch a movie with me... common itll be fun... NOW!

NOoooooooooooooooooooooooooo... NO NO NO and here we go again... horrible disgusting crap of a circle we go in.. Bah!!!

but do i do it... of course... and will you? or course..

so i ask!

WHEN DOES THE MADNESS STOP!!?!??!

answer: it doesnt.

allison asmore
penny hardwick
Charlie Nichols - (influence for entire blog)
Denise Clayton
And finally Laura...

thats the rest of the top five we started talkin about...

Jack Black just told Dick to "Smoke that ass..." Time for some Corn Flakes and a Corona.

What?

www.billyfloyd.com
www.smilinmcgee.com

"We are the Sonic Fuckin' Deathmonkeys!"
~Jack Black

Underground Bluz June 19th :)