... That is the question!

12:48a.m.
"In the morning light"
chill

So she looks at me with these eyes that signify she is hiding... something. Some emotion or words that have been formed in her mind as thoughts radiating from her heart has made their way down into the depths of the unsaid and there they wait.. for the right time i suppose.. for the right moment.. the right setting... ambiance... who knows... but they are there and I know they are.. so does she.

There are major differences in this... well this... woman..

and thats the major difference... shes a woman...

no offence to the girls out there but lemme tell you this... the tools you use as girls to achieve what you want will not work forever... so use it while you can...

Now... out of the girls that have the tools to ascertain what they desire when they are still girls... there are only a select few that figure out how to be truly ... honest.

Tonight I experienced possibly the most honest moment i have ever experienced in my life...

she couldnt make eye contact with me at all.. she just had her hands holding each other behind her back and with on foot, toe to the ground, grinding it into the carpet, she was looking at anything she could as long as it wasnt me...

"I cant be nice to you" she says..

"I am selfish." she says...

"thats what i was told."

"i was told i cant talk to you."

and lastly with a slight glimmer residing in her eyes hiding itself from me... she walks back toward me... leans her hands on the wall and her cheek to her hands facing me... eye level... and says..

"But i want to be nice to you... believe me i do."

I just kept to myself... smilin' just so much to let her know that I am thinking... and I was wondering where this was coming from... she came to me... she approached me and started this conversation...

we have been just friends and just friends only... but.

that spark that reaches around the globe if need be... is very present.

to me at least...

we have never persued anything beyond our fabricated world... anything beyond our relationship that was made, not by us... but, by those that we answer to...

so i said to her...

"I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing... and you keep doing whatever you feel is the right thing to do... and we'll all be fine..."

she took a second, glanced to the side... while so elequently biting the tip of this pen cap.. glaces at me with these beautiful puppydog eyes and says...

thats perfect...

"and by the way" ,i say, "if this is you being "not-nice"... im thoroughly anticipating you being nice."

and with that and a smile we parted ways... and this is the next time ive thought about it.

beautiful.