The Gift of Forgetting

Apparently i made an offer the other day... although that was definitely not my intention ..

See...its what happens when someone is self indulged.. has selective sight, thinks the world revolves around them... selfish.. you know those kind of people.. the kind that walk out of your life... and chain their door behind them cause the main thing they are afraid of is trust.. and that everyone is out to get them..

for the last year.. trust me.. i have not been pining over the loss of something that i just wasnt strong enough to throw away myself..

yes there was a grieving period.. but that turned into a realization period.. where i finally saw all the sacrifices i had made and all the taking that the other party was doing..

i was giving giving giving and i was just getting shit cause i wasnt giving enough.. while on the other side of the fence they were taking taking taking.. and then bitching cause there wasnt more to take..

I once heard .. "well.. she wants the best." and...

No shit! what do you think i want!? .. second best.. f*that! and as i was striving to give my best ...they were striving to take my best.. and they did a very good job.. and whos fault is it?

mine..

i was not in love with the actual person.. i was in love with what i wished they would be.. alas.. wishes seldom come tru.. and im glad i didnt waste a wish on them.. GOD knows i already wasted thoughts, love and heartache on them.. one thing they definitely dont deserve from me anymore is my time.

i spent the last year trying to forget they were alive.. living in the world i was living in.. why is GODs name would i want to make them a part of anything in my life?

especially my friend!?!? i only have a select few friends..

trust me the only thing our convo was supposed to be the other night was a thoughtful and loving GOODBYE. tell your mom i love her to death and your dad i wear his guitar strap always.. and will have it for just as long..

well aside from the sugar coated world and dilusions of grandure you live in.. get over yourself.. please do us all a favor.. you are loved yes.. but aside from your family ...the only ones that love you are those that pity you and can ignore your bullshit.. :) LOL..

if you dont have the balls to talk to me about it cause you know its not what you wanna hear.. ill tell you in here cause i know you read it.. and you must think im some kinda stupid to believe that you didnt know the answers to the bullshit questions you were asking me the other day..

you dont know me.. you said it yourself..

leanne!? are you kidding me.. you must be crazy.. and not a lil bit.. 110%.. but you hide behind all your superficial bullshit.. no wonder you live by yourself.. no one can put up with your lies, deceit....and by the way... your pretty lil face isnt gonna get you shit for much longer.. so find some schmuck that is gonna pine over you.. some puppet you can control.. like micheal.. that poor hapless bastard.. i feel for him.. i would just love to smack him in the head and tell him to wake the fuck up.. and realize that you are a selfish egotistical money hungry self serving bitch.. pretty much :)

and trust me im not mad right now.. actually.. the truth feels so good..

like a cool side of a blanket on a real hot night.. its my solace...

breath in the truth... ahhh.. taste so good :)