rage

there is a rage inside of me that i cannot explain.. a power that can be summoned with the right thoughts in a sequence that i keep very complex so bringing this rage to light becomes extremely difficult..

and when i say rage.. i dont mean rage..

if you want to feel the rage i have.. take every ounce of energy you have.. and a very very deep breath.... stand up.. grab a hold of something and with the most rageful hatred you can muster scream as loud as possible for the longest period of time.. until your head becomes light and your vision starts to flicker.. your balance starts to sway... and the only thing holding you up is whatever youre holding onto.. thats MY rage...

i was misunderstood last night apparently..

i was a gentleman.. and my words were misinterrpreted..

you dont want the same thing i want.. well thats a good thing..

cause what i want isnt a good thing.. is a shitty thing..

but you think i want you in my life.. for good or not at all...

and you have it all wrong..

there will only be a not at all..

all i was doing was giving you the common courtesy of a responce because the last time we talked on the phone feb 13th 2004.. i did not give you such a courtesy... you wanted to tell me your side of the story and i didnt want to hear it...

now you have misconstrued my words.. and you think i want something from you..

well youre right.. i do want something from you.. but i gaurantee you dont know what it is..

i had loving words to say to you.. just wanted to let you know how i feel..

but please dont miss the main point of our convo..

"i am sticking to my word."

i told you a long time ago.. if you ever did anything like that to me again.. you would be nothing to me..

and...

i am sticking to my word..

thats what i said last night.. among very loving things.. but i still have very loving emotions for you.. however i dont trust you.. and i know i can never trust you.. especially with my heart.. so depite what my heart is telling me.. my head will never let me fall into you again..

and this time.. its not an option..

here i am again misunderstood by the only person i ever wanted to understand me..

out