Monday, December 20, 2004

bombarded and broken

So how do i start? What do i say?...

I read these lil proverbs all the time that tell people to do what they feel is right... to say whats in their heart.

as if its that easy...

there are consequences to those actions and sometimes the result is not what is needed... and it could actually be the opposite.. exactly what I do not need...

even though i fear and anticipate the next time i do see you.. what if, when i do see you... we will realize... well.. what if we dont receive what we think we will... what if?

where will it be, in some crowded market as i turn around because i forgot to grab bread while i was down that isle? maybe the one time i need to go to the other walmart cause this one doesnt have what i need... or will it just be in passing.. you going one way - me going the other... opposite directions on an escalator we cannot stop...

will it be years from now as i step onto the stairs of a movie theater in the heart of chicago... will it be tomorrow at a starbucks?

there have been many times that i was so very very close to saying maybe just one word... maybe many.. however i hold back.. because. well. im stubborn. i want to hold out longer.. then i try to justify my actions by our past. the doors i have opened for you,have been bombarded and broken... and as i tried to board them up... it was as if i was fighting the force of a thousand oceans...

many times i have read the quotes by famous writers.. the passages that make it seem so easy to drop words..not from my lips, but directly from my heart, my fears, my dreams...

why is it so hard? what am i afraid of? well in this case... everything.

i will say this..

-i apologize.

and a more comforting statement.... though i doubt you will ask for it...

and that is my forgiveness...

-i forgive you.

out of sight / out of mind only works for so long...

and though i may be the farthest thing from your daily thoughts.. i cannot deny the fact that you are in mine. and in this i state my inner most emotions that come to life as i type them...

its hard to imagine. everything.

while a small piece of my heart, despite my strength, still resides in memories i wish to forget, i find myself wondering in my subconscious thoughts...living in the past and imagining the future with my negative, my positive, the force that balances the power that i hold in this world...

if i was the dark. you would be...

We are all born for love. It is the principle of existence, and its only end.
-- Benjamin Disraeli


music keeps my heart and mind as close to the pain as possible... which makes me simultaneously stronger and weaker ...becoming both my greatest strength and my most destructive weakness...

so what if?... how?... what would i say?... how would i feel?

its as if a tiny tiny part of the puzzle is missing.. not even a whole piece but more importantly a vital piece of a whole piece and as much as most that read this will never and could never understand.... some of the most powerful things in the world receive disapproval, resentment and on occasion.. downright hatred...

but its not about them.. its not about anyone else... it never was

its about.. the untouchable unexplainable mystery that binds itself to splendor and brilliance...to confusion and clarity...

the gifts given that have no wrapping and sometimes have no sound... no surface to touch but only an idea to believe in... a hope that becomes a dream and a dream that becomes a memory...

memories paint pictures of the past where the negative was dressed up with beautiful colors and bashful curves lightening the appearance so the onlookers can marvel at it's presence..

Never close your lips to those whom you have opened your heart.
-- Charles Dickens


so i dont know the steps taken to miss something... do i have to miss certain things? a certain number of things... or maybe missing is not being able to miss it... maybe i miss missing you.. maybe i miss missing something and this really has nothing to do with you... maybe it has everything to do with you.

The only true gift is a portion of yourself.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson


im tired of playing the games, flexing the stubborn muscles... who can hold out longer...

what was done has left a very dark, very red stain on my very soft, very perfect, white carpet...

and it cannot and will not be forgotten.. forgivess is one thing.. and its amazing how there are those that forget the bad... the hurtful and move on.. then out of the purple.. are filled with excitement and are overcome by a calmness not felt in quite some time...

the kind of calmness i feel as on a cold night i climb into bed, that warmth that fills the body from the inside out.. as that feathery soft quilt is pulled over my chilly body harnessing the heat and sending it straight to my heart.. laying my head on the inviting down pillow that comforts my entire soul, making the world a great place to be... and christmas the best time of year...

the feeling of home.. the feeling of happiness.. of home... the kind of warmth that has soft music playing in my head with the images of the future... of kisses under mistletoe.. of new years parties and nights spent in.. watching movies that not really about the movie but more the quiet ..spent with that person so the element of touch can be enjoyed without tainting it with words...

so back to my "what if" my "how" my "when" and "where" ...

what will i say? what will i do? how will i feel?... if on some passing escalator, in a crowded market or a coffee shop ordering a cafe mocha.. years from now stepping onto the stairs of a theater in downtown chicago... if i look back on this very moment and regret the opportunity placed before me... what if...

i never see you again.
what if..
i never get to tell you these things.

to tell you what my heart screams as i silence it with painful memories fueled by the destructive emotion that plagued my life for an almost insurmountable period of time.

and what am i going to do about it?... well... i dont know yet.

pieces from:

Colin Hayes
"I just dont think Ill ever get over... "

"i dont want you thinking im unhappy.
what is closer to the truth?
but if i live til' i was a hundred and two...
i just dont think ill ever get over...

But I don't want you thinking I don't get asked to dinner
'Cause I'm here to say that I sometimes do
Even though I may soon feel the touch of love
I just don't think I'll ever get over
...
If I lived till I could no longer climb my stairs
I just don't think I'll ever get over
...

thgieeerhteno

-xam

~billy

Friday, December 17, 2004

I'm feelin lucky!

So one of my very best friends in the world is plagued by a thought... or a hypothesis if you will that tears at the very fabric of trust...

i make several attempts every week to try to rebridge our friendship... to assure him that these things that he has heard are false... these ideas are proposterous. but i can only do so much...

as is life...

i have found out through time and more time... that i assume responsibility in circumstances where i have no control, power or influence. I do this because i feel it is my duty to right the wrongs.

somehow if it doesnt work out right (whatever that means.. perhaps my perception of how things should be.. who knows really) that i did something wrong... that somewhere in the grand scheme of things between the steps of 1 and 1,364,876 i made a mistake somewhere and i need to retrace every step i have ever taken to find out what happened... what wrong turn i made or what words i said that i shouldnt have... those ideas that i am supposed to be "SOooooo OPen" with but i should really keep locked up tight tight tight in my mind... so as to forget that they exist before they hurt me.

the truth...

i wont lie... i have thought some different things.. and about 95% of them i have never shared with anyone... and im sure i havent even admitted to myself that i figured out.

one of those epiphanys i have where the world suddenly makes itself clear and the answers are spelled out in bold huge readable and easily understood letter in front of me... laying out the path i am supposed to walk down.. along with the temperature, the pace at which i am supposed to travel, who i will meet along the way... etc etc etc...

i take society.. and in that i refer to groupings of people that come under a common understanding of what this definition of that word is...

society says!!!

Societal Success:

make a shit load of money, family, goto school, dont do drugs, dont drink, pay your bills, pay your taxes, be politically correct, dont hurt others feelings, drive a nice car, have a big house, credit cards are bad, trust the government, dont trust the government, have the most stylish clothes, watch the most popular reality t.v. show..

well i see these things and i am sure i have left some out that you may like to add...

but lemme go down the list...

#1 Money

Survey says... fuck money

i love my family - my parents have been married for 38 years and are my inspiration for love... thank you mom and dad.

i went to school , and kicked ass while i was there
i dabble in the fine art of nature, i do drink
i pay my bills because im supposed to
taxes? what are those?
politically correct? To hell with politically correct!
dont hurt others feelings... deal with it.

nice car, big house, stylish clothes, popluar t.v. shows to make sure that you can keep up with the latest break room banter about the stupid meaningless bullshit that happened on the lastest waste of money reality series that some network dumped an assload of money into to mesmorize the middle class college crowd into believing that one day youll be lucky enough to be the "CHOSEN ONE" to marry this guy and then get a million dollars only to find out that it was all a joke and there is no million dollars and was your love for him really true!?!?!!!!

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!? WHOEVER WATCHES THESE THINGS... I'LL TELL YOU WHAT IT IS...

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T

Its not real... it wont happen to you.. so get over your sick diluted fantasy please and move onto something that might actually have some bearing to a good life.

like.. the common misconception that 50% of marriges end in divorce...

In 1981, for example, there were 2.4 million marriges and 1.2 million divorces. At first glance, that would seem like a 50 percent divorce rate.

Virtually none of those divorces were among the people who had married during that year, however, and the statistic failed to take into account the 54 million marriges that already existes, the majority of which would not see divorce...

Hello!!!!! there was one couple that decided to LEAVE OUT "til death due us part" because as the bride said "the odds of that happening are only 50-50"

HELLO!? if you are one that thinks marrige is a walk in the park!? NO you dumb shit!
its not... its hard and its work and compromise and a million other things that I HAVE NO IDEA ABOUT?! But why give up!? and if youre gonna give up...

DONT GET MARRIED IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!

Marrige is NOT the "next step" when a realtionship gets to a certain level... What the F*** is that!? It is not a way to SAVE a relationship...

dammit people stop with your lil dream worlds you live in.

I do believe in true love... and that... no one will ever read in a book, hear in a song or see on t.v. true love cannot be defined or explained in words... sorry to all of you that think you have accomplished the impossible but sorry.. you havent.

but i have never been married and i have very close friends that have experienced marrige and also experienced divorce... so i really have no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.

aside from that...

some of the things that were not in the above criteria of what "societal success" is..

-understanding of ones self.
Which can only be reached in solitude and only then after understanding what
ones self is all about can i offer that to another human being... whom by the way
should understand what they are offering before they offer it!
-comfort of the moment.
-solace
-happiness
-appreciation of the smallest sliver of hope
-creativity
-art
-expression of ones self
-honesty
-self reflection
-adaptation

i mean what are we doing here?
what are we pursuing?
are we pursuing careers to what?
pursuing dreams to what?
take up the time we have, the miniscule amount of time that is our life on this planet that would not change if anyone of us ceased to exist right this second?
to keep our mind from the present by immersing ourselves in so many damn things at once we forget what is really on our minds...

so what you wanna be a CEO, CFO, President???
Great!
then what?
retire?
awesome...
then what?
live on a golf course in the everglades of florida basking in the sunlight while sipping your lil drink with the umbrella in it on the patio of your multimillion dollar mansion...
wonderful..wanna cookie?!
then what?
have kids and grandkids and instill in them the same "morals" that were instilled in you so they can pursue the most materialistic of things in hopes that they will find true happiness through diamonds and pearls, big stereo systems and fast cars...

i once heard a very very smart person say... "Money can't buy happiness, but it can pretty much buy everything else..."

so what? big deal.. without happiness whats the point in everything else?

but damn the man...

so i sit here a few days from christmas attempting to live in the now... cause thats what time it is...

and it will always be.. Now.

forget yesterday, stop looking to tomorrow and live now. dont put things off because "you'll get to it tomorrow".. thats crap! there is no tomorrow! say whatchu wanna say and be honest with yourself about it. or in the words of earnie williams "assume responsibility, personal responsibility for myself."

the things that i hold in my heart, the hurtful things that i couldnt do anything about... that i was a victim to... that was "not my fault" and i linger on because i was the poor helpless victim...

for example:

i was about 14 years old riding my bike home around 9:00 at night in the tiny town of inverness... my friends and i had just gone our seperate ways as the night came to a close...

on the way home at a four way stop sign a white honda accord pulled up and 3 guys that i had never seen in my life came up to me and started yellin at me... tellin me to tell my friends to keep their mouths shut pushin me around... before i could say a word the guy to the left punched me in mouth and after i didnt fall over the guy to the right decided he was going to pick my 5'-1" self up and throw me off my bike which he did...then, apparently, not being satisfied with the hill he just threw me down decided to come pick on me some more... it was dark and all i know is that he was a lot bigger than me.

he picked me up with one arm by the front of my shirt and hit me in the face a few times.. the whole world kinda spun i wasnt really sure what was going on...

the next thing i knew... some people in passing cars at the stop signs were honking their horns and yelling at the guys...

they stopped and got back in the car... only to follow behind me throwin whatever they could find in their car...

that was not a fun night...

i envoked none of that, knew none of those people and was totally a victim...

however...

i could have left earlier, i could have rode with someone, i could have taken a different path home, i could have not gone out that night, i could have gone to a friends house...

there is no fault... its not your fault that i got hurt.. and its not my fault... to place blame is a waste of time and energy and it gets nobody any further than where they were before they decided to point the finger.

accept responsibility for my actions, my mistakes and my triumphs...

apologize for my errors, forgive others when they apologize and move on.

ramble ramble ramble i do...

i was very distracted tonight.. and just wanted some peace and quiet so i could concentrate, however... i got none of that... however the music was great...

thanks bone

dec 18th 2004 gasoline alley headlining!

www.smilinmcgee.com
www.billyfloyd.com

Friday, November 19, 2004

... That is the question!

12:48a.m.
"In the morning light"
chill

So she looks at me with these eyes that signify she is hiding... something. Some emotion or words that have been formed in her mind as thoughts radiating from her heart has made their way down into the depths of the unsaid and there they wait.. for the right time i suppose.. for the right moment.. the right setting... ambiance... who knows... but they are there and I know they are.. so does she.

There are major differences in this... well this... woman..

and thats the major difference... shes a woman...

no offence to the girls out there but lemme tell you this... the tools you use as girls to achieve what you want will not work forever... so use it while you can...

Now... out of the girls that have the tools to ascertain what they desire when they are still girls... there are only a select few that figure out how to be truly ... honest.

Tonight I experienced possibly the most honest moment i have ever experienced in my life...

she couldnt make eye contact with me at all.. she just had her hands holding each other behind her back and with on foot, toe to the ground, grinding it into the carpet, she was looking at anything she could as long as it wasnt me...

"I cant be nice to you" she says..

"I am selfish." she says...

"thats what i was told."

"i was told i cant talk to you."

and lastly with a slight glimmer residing in her eyes hiding itself from me... she walks back toward me... leans her hands on the wall and her cheek to her hands facing me... eye level... and says..

"But i want to be nice to you... believe me i do."

I just kept to myself... smilin' just so much to let her know that I am thinking... and I was wondering where this was coming from... she came to me... she approached me and started this conversation...

we have been just friends and just friends only... but.

that spark that reaches around the globe if need be... is very present.

to me at least...

we have never persued anything beyond our fabricated world... anything beyond our relationship that was made, not by us... but, by those that we answer to...

so i said to her...

"I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing... and you keep doing whatever you feel is the right thing to do... and we'll all be fine..."

she took a second, glanced to the side... while so elequently biting the tip of this pen cap.. glaces at me with these beautiful puppydog eyes and says...

thats perfect...

"and by the way" ,i say, "if this is you being "not-nice"... im thoroughly anticipating you being nice."

and with that and a smile we parted ways... and this is the next time ive thought about it.

beautiful.

Friday, November 05, 2004

Those eyes...

Music: On Fire "switchfoot"
State: remenisant

I remember, just a year ago as the weather is doing what its doing now...

I was not doing what i am doing now...

I was lost, very lost... emotionally of course, I'm an emotions kinda guy.

I just wanted to matter, I just wanted to feel like i was doing more in this world that taking up space... i wanted to feel appreciated for being me and i dont think thats too much to ask. At All.

I wanted to be cared for... i wanted to be smiled at in that way... I wanted to be looked at with those eyes... and when i say "that way" and "those eyes" i mean...

(...to be smiled at in that way)

- the kind of smile that isnt made by moving certain muscles in my face to present a appearance of contentment / but the kind that starts in my toes days before it surfaces and moves up my body through memories and through thoughts of the future...a moment of elation... where the thought of the person that has touched me in parts of my heart I didnt know exist sparking a feeling in my soul that lights a fire of that feeling.. that i belong, that someone cares, that the lost ideas of love can be saved... cause no one believes in it anymore...

i heard a while back a woman... a grown woman mind you... tell her 16 year old daughter...

"Honey, take it from me, someone who knows... dont marry for love... marry for money."

it didnt make me mad... i kinda felt bad though... what does she think love is?

(...to be looked at with those eyes)

- To me... i see peoples eyes... and they are an open book... with pages written with invisible ink by invisible thoughts that skip the heart and jump right to baby blues and ambers, hazels, exotic greens and dark mystery...

mainly...sadness is what i see and people wont admit it... sokay.. neither will i...

i see a lot of hope...

and ive found that when i see happiness in someones eyes... true happiness / or at least what i consider happiness. / they are swimming in tears.. welled up and somehow holding on for dear life... not wanting to make anyone aware that they are tears... and this is usually accompanied by a smile... a slight smile. the kind that cant be held back...

True happiness cannot be contained. it will break free; through boundries, barriers and walls... sometimes dangerously... sometimes painfully...but it will.

those eyes... those eyes - the representative for love. The kind that just reach back and grab the cast iron doors to the heart and with several strong jerks. open up what has been shut off to the world since the last time ... ...well... since the last time.

I'm in one of those places where I have no clue if I want a Coke or some Tea.. no clue at all...

oen of those places where i can't decide where to go for lunch or what movie to fall asleep to...

one of those places where I am so afraid of the only thing worth living for... the only thing that could turn a day from hell to a day that will be remembered as one of the happiest of my life...and I am afraid because ... well... i dont want to go through what i'm going through ever again...

i was in a creative mood... fueled by the magician and his magical culdron...

so i wrote an email... didnt sent it but wrote it...

and it said:::::::::::::

================================================

drips drop from knowledged wisemen as their presence merges with their dreams creating a reality to what makes life the best thing in the world...

i hope youre doing well...

i appreciate your phone call during the hurricane... you caught me absolutely off guard but i was kinda hoping i would see an area code unknown to my memory pop up on my lcd...

so words have become my shield and my dagger has been forged by the trials held during a triumphant jubilee which turned my stone heart warm again and then the illustrious catastrophy at the end... and thats exactly what it was...

the only time i can write is when clouded memories thickened by smoke, fog and hurtful expressions of emotion delivered to ears and hearts unfortunately... are cleared up by the amazing times that were experienced to make a once in a life time event... i saw the eclipse the other night... lunar i think it was.. but just the very end... and it kinda sucked that i only got to experience the very end... i missed all the good stuff... the entire beggining... however after i chill out and look at the sky... i realize that/------yes... i saw the eclipse... so i watched it while taking some pretty awful photos of it but if it was that important i wouldnt have missed the best part.. soooOOO a parting door prize was a last minute photograph of and maybe 3 per decade occasion...
interesting... the award was measured by the effort...

================================================

however i didnt send it... my music is changing... my writing style is changing and i hope you guys like it...

i just need a damn hug... and then feel that sensation that keeps me hoping and praying... it feels like...

Home.

well ladies and gents its 12:44 am and im gonna find somethin to do :)

if you have "on fire" by switchfoot i recommend listening to that while you read this... it was my inspiration... thank you switchfoot, Caaaaarl, and of course Da GBone!

billy








Thursday, July 22, 2004

It was the One Armed Man!!!!

Well well well.. how the F*^@ is everyone doin'? I haven't seen this web page for a while...

There are those of you that know why I haven't blogged for quite some time now... there are those of you that do not...

for those of you that do... shut up :)
for those of you that don't... ummm... i'd say..to you..uhhh....

"SHUT UP!"

yeessss...

anyways

what to talk about.

Lets spin the "Wheel! Of ! Possibilityyyyyyyyy!"

Whoooosh... click click click click click click click clit click click click click click click click click 69 click click click click boobs click click click click click click starfish click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click smilin click click click click lick click click click click click mcgee click click click.....

click.........click...................click..............................................................................................................

..............................................................................................................................................................

................................click.

TRY AGAIN!!!

Try Again?!!?!

What the ??!?! Thats not fair!!!! I just typed out all those "clicks" and for what?!?!!? A measley Try Again?!!?

F-this game... it's rigged.

*Grapples Spinning wheel of clickiddy clicks and Punches it with newly attached bionic arm!!!

PUUUUUNCH!!!

Picks it up and body slams it to the ground!!!

BODDDDDY SLAAAAAAAM!!!!

Raises the bionic arm over my head... and bashes it with 4 & 3/4 might blows!!!

BAAAASH!!!
BAAAASH!!!
BAAAASH!!!
BAAAASH!!!
BAAAA!!!

Baa Baa black sheep have you any wool?
-Yes sir yes sir 3 bags full
-one for the master one for my dame...
-and one for the little manufacturing plant run by the slave driving corporation known as trojan to make the most uncomfortable and ineffective condoms in de world!!!

1042 WHat!?!?!?

Imagine workin' in a condom sweat shop...

damn i mean we all know what latex and lubrication smells like after youre all hot and sweaty...

Ick!!! Nasty...

I could see it now....

Uuuup!!!!

Dooown!!!!

ehh...

rows and rows of anatomically correct manicans with big smiles on... standing in the ready position with their hands on their hips... and head turned to the side.. posing for the condom put'er on'er...

sheets and sheets of latex being fed through massive machines like news paper and thousands of little sweat shop leprechauns making sure that this is a "tested" product...

EW!!!! I dont wanna tested condom?!!? WTF is that?!

I'll test that bitch.. dont you worry about it..

I dont want the sweaty tootheless cook at denny's testin' my Moons Over Mihammy!

F-That!!!

Anyways, im in a pretty big convo with a friend of mine so i'll talk to you guys later..

And...

Someone needs to go and get some Moons over Mihammy...
Strongbad needs to go and get some Moons over Mihammy...

To Email StrongBad Click Here... billy@billyfloyd.com

Later Peoples!

11:09 a.m.

Thursday, July 01, 2004

LOVE

okay imma start typin'... i would recommend that before reading this you enqueue about 15 - 20 minutes of slow music, something comforting... some babyface, maybe some brian mcknight, something that reminds you of love whatever it may be...

just a thought...

so here we go..

ready?





you know... love's a bitch. it really is.. but like many things.. nothing is perfect. aside from love being a bitch it is many things...

its a smile... at the right time from the right person, you may know them, they may be a stranger. its a laugh... one eminating from a source unknown... a distant laugh echoing from a distant room and you can tell that whomever that laugh came from has tasted love... only someone who has tasted love can be so in touch with their emotions to laugh so whole heartedly as to capture a rooms attention and in their whispers from lips to ears speak unspoken words and understand with ease.

love is a rainy day that happened on your only day off... when you just put the top down...

love is the one thing that, no matter how hard you try to convince yourself you dont feel... lives with you every second of your life.

love does not need words, there are those i have not spoken to in many, many days and STILL feel an unspeakable love for every moment.

love hides. behind every door, around every corner and most often... right under your nose.

love is the perfect song played at the perfect time to take you from your perfect lil world and dip you in eternal bliss.

love is craze... love knows no control, no limits, no rules, no boundries.. love is not described by 4 letters... love is every letter and every thought.. within every emotion... and when melted together form beauty only felt through a kiss, a hug, a tear...

and i know you still feel love for that person... though you choose to deny it...it still exists... you think about them at night, with your friends, when you wake up... at sparatic times throughout the day... you dont know why and you may think its wrong... but its not.. love is never wrong, although it may be painful.

But wrong?

never.

you hear certain songs and some you may not listen to anymore because it pulls you from your solace and has you fallen into an undefined tomorrow and that is enough to scare the strongest of warriors and give courage to the most cowardly...

how can i say these things? how can i make such bold statements?

to be honest with you...i don't know...

but i believe...

the thoughts of past love or present love will always take hostage moments throughout your day... its up to you to make those moments as enduring as possible... they wont reside, they wont disapate.. they will, however, continue.. and for those thoughts to bring you to tears... they will. but happy tears do exist. you still talk to your friends about it, on the phone, over the internet, through email to those which that is your only form of communication... i know .. you know.

its thought about while brushing your teeth and staring into your own eyes in the mirror... as a certain car passes or a certain rain falls... its there.. like the wind. you cant see it, but you can feel it... and it feels good!

==================================================================

here are some quotes from some authors.. maybe they're amazing maye they're not...

im not going to put who they are by. as to not swade your judgement... if you wanna know.. just copy and paste into a search engine and click the button...

"Christianity has done a great deal for love by making a sin of it."

"if two people love each other, there can be no happy ending to it."

"Never close your lips to those whom you have opened your heart."

"There is no solution to love. Love is not a problem. It's a gift."

"Love, in all its fragile forms, is the one powerful, enduring force that brings real meaning to our everyday lives...but the love i mean is the fire that burns inside us all, the inner warmth that prevents our soul from freezing in the winters of despair."

"Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction."

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."

"Looking back, i have this to regret, that too often when i loved, i did not say so."

"People who are sensible about love are incapable of it."

"I say I'm in love with her. What does that mean? It means I review my future and my past in the light of this feeling. It is as though I wrote in a foreign language that i am suddenly able to read. Wordlessly, she explains me to myself. Like an genius she is ignorant of what she does."

"Dry as the deserts bathing in sunlight...love is my water and this is my firefight...with you.. and me."

"love is all you need."

Thank you and good night!!!

Hasta La Pasta!

~Billy 10:25 p.m.

Someones needs to go and get a honey baked ham, and american and swiss cheese with bologna and butterball turkey with mayo mustard and some pickles sandwich...whew

Strong Bad needs to go and get a honey baked ham, and american and swiss cheese with bologna and butterball turkey with mayo mustard and some pickles sandwich.... and some O.J.

buh bye.










Monday, June 28, 2004

SHUT UP AND READ!

inspiration..

its a scary think inspiration is...

its the solitary motivational tool for any artist...

more important that the pen, the paper, the guitar and even the vocals... its something that comes around when it comes around... and falsifying inspiration is like eating toastie o's instead of cherrios... you can just tell the difference... it lacks substance, depth, and it they just taste funny.

i guess i kinda use this blog as a bit of a journal but i am motivated by some friends to keep this shit updated every now and again... so i think what im gonna do is put some of my writings in here...

I sit at outback pretty much every night and time and time again waste away item tickets which are about 3" x 5" and we use the to put in certain orders... however they are blank on the back... so i use that to my advantage... brb..

okay.. imma only put one on here... some of em are pretty long...

this is just thoughts spilled out onto paper.. so nothin in stone... if you dont like it.. Bug Off!!! :)

==================================================================

shadows keep my company
dreams are dreampt of you and me
ive never knows your name before
but youre just what im lookin for
friends of mine from 44
keep me from cryin' anymore as...

-tables turn i lie awake
-my broken heart i pray you take
-and mend it up with one soft kiss
-that lingeres like a morning mist

as pillows keep your company
you squeeze them tight and dream of me

youve never known my name before
but im just what youre lookin for

friends of your from years before
keep you from cryin anymore as...

-tables turn i lie awake
-my broken heart i pray you take
-and mend it up with one soft kiss
-that lingeres like a morning mist

as our love keeps our company
i look at you as you look at me
i never thought you mend my heart
and put together what was blown apart
as i placed my kiss upon your shoulder
our new love will never faulter...

...i found you...

i found you my missing piece
as you look at me your hearts at peace as..

-tables turn, we lie awake
-our broken hearts have gained their strength
-with one soft kiss i finally found
-what i though i would always miss

...so if youd fall i'd follow you down and I'd race like superman down to the ground....through smokey fires I'd shield my eyes and catch your fallen heart.

===============================================

so yeah "insiration"... my favorite 10 letter word beggining with "i" aside from "istanbul" "ignite" and... line..backer.

what?

:) well 11:21 and someone needs to go and get a bowl of toastie o's... Ha ... no no im just kidding..

they're cheerios.. no! they really are dammit!!!.. the real ones!!! No, You Cant have any!!! these are MY tiny lifeboats of multigrain goodness packed with vitamins and minerals that are proven to reduce the risk of heart disease or something like that..

get your own you Cheerio Nazi!!! back up bitch!

anyways like i was saying before i was so RUDELY interrupted..

...huh hmm...

someone needs to go and get a bowl of whole grain goodness..

...Strong Bad needs to go and get a bowl of whole grain goodness..

until then my fellow blogmen and blogladies... ridding the world of boring ass journal entries about lil doggies and purple parachutes!!!

This is BillyFloydDotCom Up .. Up and Awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!

hasta la pasta!





Sunday, June 27, 2004

Hey Crapface! Why don't you blow it out your ear....

1:05 p.m.

Okay...

hmm...what to write about...what to write...about...

somebody give me some inspiration...

1:10 p.m.

...sorry guys still no inspiration...

1:11 p.m.

my friend justin is sitting on my big bean bag chair reading a "how to" book on the guitar and my friend Jenn is chatting with me about the show on the 16th of july...

1:13 p.m.

ok... heres somethin...i think...

Soooo... I get my apple juice and i get my Eggo waffles with my hickory syrup and my fork on my paper plate...

(so i dont have to wash anything! Ha!)

Take that Cascade!!! I dont need you anymore!!! WHAT!?

I get all comfy in my bed, fans on, air conditioner is at a perfect 74 degrees... justin keeps talkin'... he's funny...

i got the pillow on my lap and the laptop on my... umm... lap.. too... lap..top.. yes.. umm okay...

umm. yeah.

anyways.. i am all settled in and shitake with my remotes and my cell phone all set in an orderly fashion in order of rarely used to somewhat used to mostly used... i take a nice bite of waffles and go to take a drink of my refreshing apple juice.. and..

wait-a-minute!!!...

where my apple juice..

oh no... it cant be..

anywhere but there. no... say it aint so...

it's standing there on my dresser all sweaty and yummy looking, staring, judging... that crispy, tasty beverage laughing at me knowing that my go-go-gadget arms are off on sundays... of all days!!! the A.J. has to be on the dresser...

btw.. i knew a girl named a.j. in highschool.. she was blonde and yeah.. i guess thats it...

okay...

so now im left with this dilema...

i dont want to move... everything is perfectly set... all of it.. cept for dat damn apple juice.. grrr..

so do i move and hope that i can find the comfort zones again? do i grin and bare it hoping that the waffles dont suck up every ounce of moisture in my mouth leaving me to wallow in an unspeakable world unable to make any kind of rational sound and in the end deterioriorrrrating into nothingness having nothing to do but blog!!! Rotting in this endless wasteland hoping and praying that in that time i will acquire the power of the force!!! and be able to move objects with my mind..

hand outstretched and fingertips shaking... i focus on the apple juice i imagine myself standing over its fruity goodness, smelling its aromaticness.. visions of apples orchards and waves of apple juice crashing over me as i stand there braced against the waves with nothing but an empty fruit box!!!

...whew...

well, here we are.. the waffles are gone... nothing is left but the remnants of the syrup that i couldnt pick up with the fork slipping through the tongs just fast enough to hit the plate before i could rush it to my lips...and since i wanted to avoid getting syrup on my laptop, i couldnt tilt the plate sideways licking the rest of the sticky sweetness off and savorying every sugary drop...

and i lay.. still in the bed, still with the pillow on my lap and my laptop... on my.. umm... lap.. yeah. remotes a lil dustier than before, cellie-the-cell-phone, still poised in readiness

justin is still talking... hes funny..

and the apple juice is standing tall like the tower of power that it has come to be known as...

alas...

...Someone need to go and eat a eggo waffle.

Strong Bad need to go and eat an eggo waffle...

---cast---

Cellie-the-cell-phone as himself
Lappy-the-laptop as himself
Motts Apple Juice as The Tower of Power!!!
Pillow as Pillow
Justin as Himself
umm and ...

producers, and key grips, lighting, directors and stuff...

billyfloyddotcom!!!!

http://homestarrunner.com/sbemail50.html

Leggo My Eggo Bitch!
















Saturday, June 19, 2004

...in the cold, dark night with the scoreboard lit..

So I had a bunch of dreams last night but one of them sticks out in my mind still.

...I was at a restaurant with some friends and as they were finishing up their conversation I went for a lil walk around.

They were all roommates and were talking about roommate stuff so I found myself some time to do whatever.

I walked around for a bit and then about 15 minuntes into my wondering I met two lovely ladies so I began a convo with them... talking to the two who seemed to be in their 60's about life in general, just this, that, and the other. Work and Family, Schooling, Laughter.. etc.

After about 10 min later my friends came around the corner and were ready to go...

One of the friends, we'll call her Joelle, was... I guess my "interest" in this dream and i could tell that their convo had been a lil draining...

So I opened the door for everyone and no one was really talking as we walked outside. It was about 7:00 in the evening so the sun was still out but going down and that kept the air at about 80 so it was a nice evening...lil on the warm side.

As we walked through the parking lot there was zero convo so I decided to take matters into my own hands.. I was thinking to myself.. "self, what can you do to lighten the tension and freshen the convo?..." so without a second thought I put my hands in the air and started yelling at a pretty loud volume.. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! and running around... but damn it was really loud.. i knew i wasnt yelling that loud...

so the next thing i know is i look over and joelle is doing the same thing.. hands in the air running opposite me and we were kinda crossing each others paths running to the car...

That was so awesome for me... we had started that at the same time.. no prewarning, we didnt talk about it we just threw our hands in the air and started yellin...

well after we made it to the car we stopped screamin and just kinda looked at each other with smiles on... no words were spoken, i just walked up and gave her a hug. she hugged me back but i guess she didnt feel that comfortable so she kinda pulled away... she did so just enough to where we could look at each other and then... she kissed me.

*and it felt better that great, even better than perfect... it felt like... home. and there is no greater feeling.

The End

So I guess I've been single for a few months now, but it doesnt really feel like it. I guess it kinda feels that way when the heart is involved. It's almost like I have to keep reminding myself that I am single... I have to do it every morning though and that kinda sucks...

It's kinda like having amnesia and everytime I wake up the doctor has to tell me for the first time that my babydoll is gone...and I guess it hits me pretty hard. However, my doctor isn't a guy dressed in white with a lil clipboard... its a lonley pillow, untouched through the night and still cold. with no impression from a sleeping head or bunched up for comfort.. just by itself and it feels like it has been for years...

This is one of those learning times... A time where I get to turn the magnifying glass to me and focus on my life which is something I have forgotten how to do... i just prefer to have someone i truly love to take care of... to look after, not because they need it...but because I care for them so much I couldnt bare anything happening to them and I want to do my best to make sure everyday they laugh and smile as much as possible...

Damn, it feels like an eternity...

I seem to always forget all the bad things, pushed them from my mind so they dont hurt anymore...the names, the arguments, the bitterness, the manipulation, the lies and lack of faith...

They scarred me... so why would i want to remember them?

Well one reason is so I don't let it happen again... I haven't done too well in the past in remembering the bad and because of that i let hope blind me and tryed to paint over the bad parts with "I'm sorries" and "I love you's" thinking that those words would cover up the bad parts and we could move on...

but just like anything... time wears everything down and slowly but surely those bad parts started to show through the freshly painted surface and the most horrifying thing was that i could see it coming and there was nothing i could do. I didnt have the strength to walk away, so i prepared myself for the storm... I stood out in front of it, staring at it, knowing it was coming and bracing myself for the impact...hoping that this time i could stand the rain, it wont knock me down this time, there is no way, I already know what it feels like and that i can brave it.

When is came, it came like a Fully-Loaded Tractor Trailer breaking the sound barrier, taking no prisoners and totally destroying everything in its path... But I didnt move, I gritted my teeth and clenched my fist and made sure my eyes were wide open.

I WAS NOT MOVING!!!

I dug my feet in the earth and stared at this "NOTHING", this destructive force that existed only in emotion... greater that rockets and missles, greater than Texas Size Asteroids, greater than atomic bombs... this was the most destructive creation the world has ever known, and it was barreling towards me so fast it blurred the sky... like heat rising from a surface that's so hot it distorts the world around it... I braced myself for the force of this blow... and it smiled at me and sped up...

I knew what was going to happen, but for some reason I was hoping that it would change its mind, i was hoping it would realize what it was about to do and stop just short of me... This time it will be different, this time its gonna stop I know it! I believe it! This can't happen. this won't happen. Not again... its gonna stop Im not lettin it happen again, I got my defense up... braced for impact knowing that I have the strength to beat it...

I'm not even sure how it happened or when it happened but I know now, that i was wrong...

Before I knew it that Truck hit me without flinching and it made sure it was going as fast as possible when it did. I didnt stand a chance... It hit me like i wasnt even there and kept going. So here I am 4 months later still remembering the very second it hit and exactly how i felt.

Have you ever seen a really hard hit on a football field, one of those hits where it jolts you in your seat, one of those where even from a distance it hurt you to watch it?

Imagine getting hit by a guy that weighs 16,000 pounds running at 90 MPH and youre only 140 and holding on for dear life, feet dug in the earth, hands outstretched standing your ground... He's gonna hit you even harder for gettin in his way...

But at the end of the night, when the game is over and the field is clear, the lockerrooms empty, the stadium lights still lit and the score still on the scoreboard... the stands empty except for the banners prepared with love and made to ispire victory, the air horns abandoned by their owners, the remnents of hot dog crumbs and drink bottles, a few forgotten articles of clothing and napkins carried aross the seats by the wind... there I stood on the 50 yard line knowing i did my best, knowing i didnt run, knowing that others have, but i didn't.. because i said i wouldnt. I promised I wouldnt run, I promised I wouldnt give up, I promised that through thick and thin i would brace it, I would endure it and I did... even though i was alone, I did what i said I was going to do... But I couldnt stop the others from running away...so there i stood in the cold, dark night with the scoreboard lit..

Visitor 5
Home 0.

I played my best game ever, id never tried so hard... but it wasnt enough...

So what happens next?

I get to the field a little earlier tomorrow, lace up and get ready to do it all over again.

that's what happens next.

~Billy

10:36 a.m. 06/19/04

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Fate and Destiny

So I mean seriously... Who Believes in this Fate and Destiny crap!? Who in their right mind would believe everything happens for a reason... There's a reason that you crashed your sisters mustang on the way back from picking up your girlfriend at the airport after you promised to be safe with it and even though you were.. BAM! Accident!

There's a reason for everything... I mean common people!!! What kinda hokie crap is that?!

Well I have no idea. But I believe it. And I believe it completely. I do believe that everything happens for a reason, i do believe that I am where I am right now at this very moment typing this blog because I am supposed to be.

"A lot of the times we spend so much time searching for the reason that something happened, that we miss the opportunity that the event offered us." ~pbf

It feels as if sometimes I can't do enough, that no matter what i do... I can do more... no matter what i do I can give someone more, make someone laugh harder, make them smile bigger... love someone better.

work harder! play harder! sing louder!

truth is I can't "make" anyone do or feel anything.

When is enough enough!?

theres only one person that can answer that...

...me.

i guess enough is enough when i am happy, but in order to do that I must find the things that can lead me to happiness, bliss, comfort, and contentment...

And I found it.

"Only after losing everything will I find anything."

I didnt necessarily lose anything.. I gave it up. I gave up my dreams, my wishes, who i was, and who i was turning into, the friends i had made, my goals, and aspirations, my wants, and desires, my time, my money and most of all my heart. I carefully packed it in a little box, wrapped it up and marked it with a "J". And I traded it for one thing...

I knew I should have kept that damn receipt, I knew i should of just tucked it away in my wallet for a rainy day.. Just in case I ever needed to return it, in case it broke I could take it back and get another one, trade it out for one thats not broken. Or maybe even get the latest model when they come out so Im not stuck with this old one that doesnt have the latest and greatest bells and whistles... But I didnt...

I threw the receipt away on purpose. I was happy with my one thing... I didnt want or need anything else and I was learning so much. I had given up everything for this one thing and I was working so hard to be the best i could be. I had alot to learn, yes..but, I was willing to. I was willing to endure the questions and the scary nights and tears and fights and worrysome dark and lonley distance. I was willing to sacrifice whatever I needed to to make this one thing the best it could possibly be. Nothing is perfect but I was going to try my best... I was gonna do everything I could. Break through walls, climb over barriers painfully maybe even dangerously.. But I was gonna do it and I did!!! :) I did all those things! Everything...

however in the end... My one thing wound up not happy.. something was wrong with it.. so time and time again I changed more, I gave more, i tried harder, i worked harder... never had i ever put so much love, attention, time, patience, trust, faith, commitment, dedication and tears into anything at all...

but it didnt matter... the choice was not mine. So there I was on a rainy morning trying to answer lifes questions.. Why!? Why did it not work? what more could I have done?.. I did everything I knew how to do and then some. I gave everything I had and then when it was all gone, I found different ways to give more, different ways to say more, to be there more, to sacrifice more... but still it wasnt enough.

Of course I made mistakes along the way... of course I did. Im human, it happens and yes some of them were pretty big mistakes and I learned from them. I took responsiblity and apologized. I taugh myself how to think before I acted. I was learning how to think before I spoke but yes sometimes emotion took over and it got the best of me.

"Mistakes are the stepping stones to knowledge." ~pbf

And I have to say I had a lot of stepping stones... but I had never learned so much in my life. The little tiny things are my favorite...

However here I am back at ground Zero packing carefully and thinking intently on what I am going to put in the box this time, how im gonna pack it, wrap it and what im going to mark it with. Who am i gonna give it I to? And hopefully I wont cringe too much when I give it away... because last time i did... the only thing they gave me was time, alot of time... to think, to learn to pray, to talk,and to spend... alone.

And for that I can only say...

"So tired of wakin' so tired of doin it again, so tired of believing in the things that you just dont believe in. so tired of wakin and early mornings and sweat pouring down my face so take my hands and kiss my lips and fall to my embrace...

just fall to me baby, let yourself go, let yourself fly, just let-your-self-feel-it...

fall right down... to my embrace

numbers are ringin and water is fallin as the night swims past my feet, hands are movin just like a contusion, yes, this second hand takes my life away. so hurry and join me cause cryin and lonely at night is just no place to be. So take my hands and kiss away these fears that plague me.

just fall to me baby, let yourself go let yourself fly, just let-your-self-feel-it...

fall right down... to my embrace."

==================================================================

love is the power that turns the world, that warms our homes and lights our hearts ablaze... dont ever give up on love, it will never give up on you.

i had a dream last night.. an incredible dream, a dream i havent dreamt in quite a while.. and it was very nice... though it will stay a dream at least i know i can find bliss in the dream world. i love dreams.

maybe next time...

Well, someone needs to go and get some left over macaronis...
...Strong Bad needs to go and get some left over macaronis.

~Billy

"To Da Moooooooooooooooooooooooooooon!"

10:39a.m.

the 5 people you meet in heaven - Mitch Albom

The opinions expressed herein this blog are those of the author Billy Floyd and are not necessarily those of the Center for Mental Health and Chronic Blogging Services...

If at anytime you feel offended please be sure to notify your ass @ billyoffendedmeandmyass@assoffender.org

any misspelled words were done so on purpose :)

Prove me wrong bitch!

lata.

inspirations:
one thing - finger eleven
in the end - linkin park
my embrace - pbf


Sunday, June 13, 2004

Chris and Bruce, you lazy bastards :)

Okay ... So check this... I understand I need to separate professional from personal but for some reason Bruce Hunter @(immadumbass@dumbass.net) and Chris Adams @(immaevenbiggerdumbass@dumbass.net) have apparently nothing better to do than throw stones on my forum...

Although they lack the testicular fortitude to make these comments to anyone in person..

[[[or maybe they just lack testicles... yeah... i think to have any testicular fortitude at all, one needs to have testicles to begin with]]]

anyways...

instead.. they sit in their own Pull-Me-Up-Pampers with their thumbs in each others mouths all pissed off because I ATE BRUCE HUNTER ALIVE IN COURT AND I WASNT EVEN TRYIN'!!!

Bruce, you waste of human flesh... Hitler should have made you a fucking lamp shade... Take ME to court?! HA! too funny.. try it again bitch and this time the judge wont just laugh at you.. he'll actually come over and stab you in the eye with his pen like he said he was gonna go... or maybe just for laughs he'll come deficate on your head... now that would be funny.. and it could only help bruce.. i mean.. common we all know it :)

LOSER... CLOWN ZERO... GROW UP. :) please. or dont grow up and we'll have mommy get you a lil meat helmet to wear and a lil matching meat spatchula to run around the house with in your Under-roos.. but first STOP! we are gonna havta Bruce-Proof it so you dont hurt yourself you clumsy bastard. I mean.. it's like you stuck an electric mixer up your nose and turned that shit to "LIQUIFY". dumbass.. im suprised you can form complete sentences without having some sort of chemical breakdown...

And for what you said in the forum.. thats fine.. i dont really care but it makes for good fodder on my blog.. so for that thank you :)


And Chris.. chris chris chris...shit.. how do you say lost cause in "dumass" cause thats the only language this kid speaks..."dumbass dumbass dumbass dumbass dumbass dumbass dumbass dumbass dumbass dumbass dumbass dumbass dumbass dumbass ." Didja get all that?!

Bro lemme comment on your oh-so-thought-out remarks...

first of all you dropped out of college... loser... and why? Was it a conscious choice? Noooo.. you're just an idiot. thats pretty much the gist of it...

and youre home with your mom because you're not man enough to accept the responsibility of your own mistakes you arrogant little shit. Youre gonna log onto MY webforum and talk shit about ME? LOL! please do us all a favor.. either grow up or jump off something really tall and hit the ground really hard. Hopefully you continue to have trouble growing up and you just decide to end it all:) and while youre busy struggling to grow up hit k-mart lane 7 blue light special and grab a brain and a life. And please, please, please keep talkin shit about me:) gives me something to laugh at when i get home from work.. but please...limit your "GENIOUS" (LOL) comments because youre takin' up bandwith on Xeno's server...

You're a hater! Ha! So is Bruce.. HATER HATER HATER!!! :) and you know what?! GOOD!!! IM GLAD!!! JOIN THE CLUB... I been sayin that shit for years... JOIN THE CLUB. Think I lose sleep at night cause... Waaaah!!! Waaaah!!! Chris' vagina hurts... oh Boo fuckin Hoo. nnnnnoooOOOOOOO! I sleep soundly at night knowing that you are a lil bitch and for you and your anal amigo Bruce to actually take the time to create an account on my website and then for some odd reason think that for a second there is a soul on this earth that gives a shit about what you have to think.. let alone what you have to say or for that matter if you wake up tomorrow....thats just frivilous..

www.dictionary.com look it up stupid.. maybe if you actually finished a class instead of just quitting all the time you may understand the big words i use in these blogs.. like...

Gelotinous, and Fangoriously.. and line..backer.

I feel sorry for the keyboards you were using...

Your keyboards are so embarrased by the stupid shit you guys type I heard they were gonna strike... all the keys are just gonna jump off the board and run away...hiding under any kind of 'educational material' cause God knows you probably cant even spell "material"; common chris give it a try....

(Chris): ...okay billy.. Uhhh...Umm.. "N"?
(Billy): sigh* no, almost chris... It kinda sounds like "N" but
its not "N" it's....
(Chris): ..umm...lets go with.. uhh..."K"?
(Billy): No chris.. I said it kinda sounds like "N"
(Chris): okie dokie.. sorry.. umm. uhh... "F"?
(Billy): ..................no
(Chris): what was the question?
(Billy): Are you a dumbass?
(Chris): A what?...
(Billy): ***leaves room
(Chris): Huh...what just happened?.. oh Lookie.. glue.. yummm..

So yeah..

the more you want to see me fail, The Harder I Will try... The More Ill Work and the louder I WILL LAUGH:) Bitches...

lol

for those of you that dont know.. the below link will offer you the option of looking at the web-forum..

www.billyfloyd.com...

till next time ladies, gentleman, children of all ages and the lumps of horse dung that has somehow managed to take the shape of two useless human beings called Chris Adams and Bruce Hunter...

Well, Someone needs to go and get a bowl of cinnamon oatmeal...
Strong Bad needs to go get a bowl of cinnamon oatmeal...

~BIlly

BTW to everyone who responded to Ace and Gary's remarks.. I cant thank you enough...

2:16 a.m.



Saturday, June 12, 2004

Fields of Gold

10:38 a.m.

Fields of Gold by Eva Cassidy = amazingly beautiful

SO how do I feel... lets got with word relation...

somber
tired
lil sad
like somethings missing
lil lost
hungry
nostalgic
lil lonely
lil craze...

Youll remember me when the west wind moves among the fields of barley...
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky, when we walked in fields of gold...

so she took her love for to gaze a while, among the fields of barley. In his arms she fell as her hair came down... among the fileds of gold

Will you stay with me? Will you be my love among the fileds of barley?

And you can tell the sun in his jealous sky when we walked in fields of gold..

I never made promises like these. There have been some that I've broken. I sware in the days still left we'll walk in fields of gold

We'll walk in fields of gold..

I never made promises like these. There have some that I've broken. I sware in the days still left we'll walk in fields of gold.

We'll walk in fields of gold..

Many years have passed since those summer days among the fields of barley see the children run as the sun goes down as you lie in fields of gold.

You'll remmeber me when the west wind moves among the fields of barley. You can tell the sun in his jealous sky when we walked in fields of gold. When we walked in fields of gold...when we walked in fields of gold...

That is the Eva Cassidy version... Thats what im listening to right now so to get the full effect its best to download it and give it a listen.. Its beautiful.. definitely something you can share with someone.

I miss you...

differently now cause youre far away...
but i miss you...

i tried to tell people i have 2 days in one.. I have my mornings and my nights...

my mornings are so questionable because my mind is open, i think about everything.. and mostly you.

*tear*

There's a song by Etta James called "At Last" that I had hoped to dance to...with you of course. Alas...

DING ================================ subject change

A very close friend of mine informed another very good friend of mine that "song writers are the philosophers of today"... damn thats good! why didnt i think of that? Anyways Thanks Caaaarl.

Hmmm what to write about...

Steve Bohn!!! WAKE UP...

You know I work with this guy and we were supposed to be hittin of the weight room and the pool and lunch.. at 10:45...
ITS 11:15!!! sleepin bastard...

dreams...

Last night in my dreams was a grown up erica lanier... friggin bomshell..absolutely gorgeous... not that shes not gorgeous now.. but goodness..

I saw Chris Adams in my dream...he was either getting ready to or had just started living in a new apt and we were checking it out..

then i had walked into a gym... not a work out gym.. but like a school gym with like 1 full basketball court and 4 half court basketball courts...

and there was this guy there who was instructing...i forget... but no one was interested and everyone left... however, i didnt have a membership... so i stayed and just started talkin to him. He was tellin me besides reading and working at the gym, thats pretty much all he does... When he was 18 he was playin for a D1 College Football team as a lineacker and he got hurt... So he was out, done, finite! But he still loved football so he tried to stay as close to sports as he could... He told me he was seeing this lovely lady and that he was almost sure she was "the one". The cool thing is that this "girl" is a girl I used to work with at the Outback in Temple Terrace. Her name is Karon and she was an awesome girl... really friggin kick ass and I havent thought about her in a long damn time but somehow she made it in my dream... You were in there too... but you always are. And you're always smiling... we're always laughing... :)

I find it interesting that people that I havent seen or for the matter people that I havent thought about in quite a while somehow make it into my creative thought process and are manifested in my dreams...

Music: "If I ain't got you." Alicia Keys

I write a lot if you guys havent noticed:) I can't stop and I appreciate it.. Why? Because if I want to pursue music I have to be able to recognize inspiration and as fast as possible try to somehow record it... I was workin' last night and wrote some... not everything I write is meant to be a song... some writings are just sparatic bits of thought... but i want to remember how i felt and why i felt that way... so in 10 - 20 - 30 years... i can read it and remember what it was like to be a 22, 26, 31 year young man...

I think I will laugh a little and cry a little cause just Like BillyBob in Varsity Blues.. Im a cryer :) It feels good. Crying to me is like Raining to the world... Its a cleansing process... sometimes it rains hard, sometimes it rains soft... sometimes those perfect summer showers where the sun is still blazing outside and the temp drops just a little teeny tiny bit.. those are awesome... those are the fun ones to walk in cause youll dry off soon but you can still get wet with your girl ;)

DING===========suject change
So maybe I was wrong about Nate... but that still doesnt merrit what you did.

or maybe i wasnt...

Ding==========suject change

music: Embracable You: Etta James.

I love allllll... the many charms about you. above alllll i want my arrrrrrms around you... yeah dont dont be a naughty baby, come to me, come to meeeeee.

My Sweet Embraceable Youuuuuuuuu....

Music: Dierks Bentley - How I'm Doin.

Yes! Rockin Baby..

Weeeeell! How am I doin since you did what-you-done to me? I cant lie i sometimes cry when I think of how it used to be. I keep my friends with me. I stay busy. and I dont get much sleeeep... baby! thats how im doin since you did what you d-d-done to me...

Ding==========================================

And I hade this other dream that I was in a restaurant like a bar-n-grill and there was a half walled off area where a pool table would go but there was a picnic table in there instead and around the inside of the walls were benches attached to the wall... just for people to chill on while waiting their turn to play at the non-existent pool table... and this song came on.. and i was in the same thing tom cruise was wearing in risky business when he was dancin alone in his house... I had the White Socks that came up about mid shin.. the boxers an un-buttoned button up dress shirt and sun glasses on... I was walkin across the top of the half wall slidin back and forth and shit.. it was awesome... I was just havin fun, and there was this girl sittin' at the picnic table inside where the pool table should have been... I didnt see her at first but she appeared to like what she saw and that made me wanna keep doin it... well shit before i knew it I had everyone in that damn place standin and clappin along as I'm gettin down to some song i forget... but it was a good one :) and then i asked the girl if she wanted to make out with me... and she said yes and took me to her boat... Talk about Risky Business!!!

So here I am taking full advantage of the invention of the "Lap-top" it currently resides on top of a pillow which is on top of my comforter which is one top of me, which is on top of my extrememly comfortable bed... yeesssss

Well, somebodies stomache is growlin... so I think that means...

Someody needs to go and get a bowl of Corn Flakes...
...Strong Bad needs to go and get a bowl of cornflakes..

Peace out Peoples and till next time... this is billyfloyd with PBFJJH news signing off...

buh bye!

11:56 a.m.

Oh wait wait.. word relation...

hungry, lil frustrated, relaxed, copasetic (idunnowhatthatmeansbutitsacoolwordandagoodsongby:localh)

uhh... indecisive.

bye




Thursday, June 10, 2004

The Blogmeister Returns!

THANK YOU NIKKI SER-FLIP-FLOP-I!

chicago said it first but imma change it...

You're the meaning for this blog, youre my inspiration!

Yes! anyways it's 5:34 pm on thursday afternoon here in the overcast and rainy city of orlando. I have some pretty chill music on right now...

"and wheeeeeeeeeeeen I want to Kisssssssssssssss you, oh thats too hard, too hard to think about!"

so what to write about...lemme see if i can bundle up the emotions ive felt for the past few days and put them into words...

nostalgia -

yes ive felt quite nostalgic over the past few days... conjuring up old memories and basking in their visions long enough to somehow capture the moment in such a way that i can record it on paper.

i think over the past 3 days I have written and written more and more... bah! I cant stop!

so yes... i miss somethings... i dont miss some other things... but isnt that always the way it is. I dont necessarily miss something truly unless the number of positive things that i miss outweighs the number of bad things i dont miss...

for example...

i miss my mustang...

postive things
1 it was really friggin fast
2 it was...umm... white? yeah...
3 it was...well... it was...fast?...dammit i already said that one
....okay...

negative things
1 it didnt have air conditioning
2 it didnt have heat
3 fog lights didnt work
4 power windows didnt work
5 cruise control didnt work
6 none of the steering wheel controls worked
7 it always overheated
8 it was not reliable at all
9 i put 10x more money in that car than it was worth
10 it sucked gas like a mofo
11 the headliner was non existent
12 the clear coat was totally gone
13 it took me no less than 2 1/2 hours to wash and wax
14 it had 3 oil leaks
15 ...

..matt, for some reason just brought my flip-flops in and set them next to my bed... no clue.

anyways...where was i ...oh yeah... 15

15 actually...i think thats it... so just 14 things negative and 3 things positive...

well maybe there were more bad than good...
...like 12 more bad than good...
yeah there was a lot more bad than good...
but of all my cars [all (3) of them] even my current 2000 celica GT which everythings works perfectly in... I miss my mustang the most :( I loved that car... and it was its flaws that made it perfect. It was beautiful to me, I loved it to death... i mean, yeah, it pissed me off...but i gave that car everything I had and I treated it like it was my true love. I would have never given up on that car...ever. but alas... it gave up on me..blew the tranny on the turnpike headed to ocala to have dinner with a
B-E-A-utiful lady... wound up lurching through the $2.00 toll and the guy wouldnt even tell me where the phone was until i gave him my 2 bucks!!! what a bastard, but i guess hes just doin his job. but that mustang was my fav...

i actually just got out of a relationship that was quite the same...

only one or two good things and like 3,420 bad things, but it didnt matter... I loved the relationship and it was the flaws to me that made it perfect. ladies and gentlemen how many stories do you hear about the NASCAR race that had ZERO crashes, how many stories do you hear about SPACE SHUTTLES that didnt run into some type of problem...

"Houston, we have a problem..the frozen chicken dinners...NO CORNBREAD HOUSTON!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOIN TO US?! THE MEN NEED THEIR CORNBREAD!"

No...why!? because perfection is boring. thats why. perfection...theres nothing to clean up, no errors to fix, no hinges to grease, no windows to reseal...its all perfect...

BUT!!!

When You Have Something That Is Perfect, It Is Extremely Difficult To Maintain... It's Is Impossible. Life is not perfect, Love is not perfect and if it is...then it has flaws...

thats right! i just contridicted myself and this is why...

Perfect is not being 100% great and 0% bad it being 2.5% great and 97.5% bad... it's being 67% great and 33% bad... great example.. The Yin Yang :

http://www.worldpolicy.org/globalrights/religion/yin-yang.gif

Exact opposites but together they form something beautiful...

Blacks and White... or whatever colors you choose... the symbol is universally respected and I have never heard a negative explanation of it...

People... perfection is a mindset... whats perfect to you may not be perfect to someone else... but it doesnt matter. as long as You are happy...:) and if you are happy, then enjoy it... wake up with a smile because you have something in your life that you love...not because its perfect to everyone but because its perfect to you...

"perfect"... not that is a philisophical topic for next time...

================MORAL OF THE BLOG====================

so maybe the good doesnt have to outway the bad for something to be missed... in fact... for me, i know it doesnt. if there was ever any good in something that is gone... despite the bad, then missing it is totally understandable.

===============END OF MORAL OF THE BLOG==============

until then i leave you with the conversation that motivated me to BLOG!!!

and thank you nikki ser-flip-flop-i

==================================================================
N******98: flip flops
VolcanoKL: yes! love the flops!
N******98: flip flop...flip flop...flip flop
VolcanoKL: lol
N******98: ;-)
VolcanoKL: :-)
N******98: i read your blog
N******98: regularly
N******98: :-D
N******98: i like it a lot
VolcanoKL: thats awesome!
VolcanoKL: :-)thank you!
VolcanoKL: im actually gettin ready to blog now
N******98: oh wonderful! i really like that yyou do that...i like reading it
N******98: it's so real.
N******98: it's like "billy...unplugged"
VolcanoKL: :-)
VolcanoKL: ill keep that in mind
N******98: you have some wonderful things to say.
VolcanoKL: and some not so wonderful things
N******98: but that's the beauty of the "unplugged" thing...it's real, raw emotions.
VolcanoKL: awesome :-) well since i have some inspiration now i shall write ill hit you back when im done okay?
N******98: sure :-) have fun, and i look forward to reading :-) love ya byeeeee
VolcanoKL: .yaw thgir eht ti lleps tub golb ym ni ovnoc siht esu ot gniog m'I
VolcanoKL: luv ya too :-)

==================================================================

signing off 6:15 p.m.

Sunday, June 06, 2004

Crawdads and FlipFlops!

So I have to say and I apologize to all my other fellow rebels out there... I have given in... I HAVE!! :( and I did it by my own cognizance... i did... im sorry. not really. but arent people supposed to say "im sorry" when they have not only, let someone down, but maybe done something unexpected...

OKAY NEW TOPIC!!! Geez, I didnt think id be talking about this. but no! you fuggers got me started!!!

DOES ANYONE, EVER, IN THE ENTIRETY OF THE FRIGGIN UNIVERSE, PERHAPS SOMEWHERE IN THE MILKyWAY, ON THE FRIGGIN MOON, UNDER THE SEA OR IN MY E-Z BAKE OVEN.... UNDERSTAND THE PROPER USE OF....

"I'M SORRY" ?????

COMMON PEOPLE! EVERYONE USES IT IT SO LOOSELY..almost as bad as "I Love You" (different topic for a different day.)

ONLY SAY "I'M SORRY" WHEN YOU MEAN IT! NOT WHEN YOU THINK YOURE SUPPOSED TO AND YOU DONT WANNA!!! SHUT THE F*!$ UP!!! IF YOURE NOT SORRY... DONT SAY IT! IF YOU ARE SORRY... SAY YOURE F*!$N' SORRY! GET IT RIGHT!!! THIS IS NOT AERONAUTICAL ENGINEERING HERE!

....break time...gotta check on dinner 10:19 p.m. bbias. for all of you intellects that means Be Back In A Sec... geez

.......out

1:10 a.m.

cool, I'm back. After a chat with my friend Nikki, some steamed crawdads a bowl of cocoa crispies a lil nap and Jurassic Park I DVD...im ready to write or type...yeah.. type.

So in my mist of thinking, pondering, and eating i have added something else to the BLOG adgenda for the evening...

1stly: I finally broke down and bought a pair of flipflops... yes flipflops. not sandals... fthat!

flipflops? why are they called flip flops...because of the continuous annoying f*ing sound they make when i walk.. Flip...Flop / Flip...Flop...D0h! it's like my feet are keeping time...when the hour hits for some reason im dissapointed when they dont make a *ding* sound. its easy to time things though... i dont have to keep seconds in my head... i just walk around and count my steps..

Flip 1
Flop 2
Flip 3
Flop 4... and so on and so forth.

anyways yeah they are as comfortable as the invisible condoms that "invisible-condoms-r-us" makes... they're online at...

www.invisiblehappyjacket.com <---good one huh?
i just made that up:) Jimmy Buy It!!! Hurry before its gone!

anyways...crawdads....are "crawfish" to you southerners and less creative (not saying that southerners are less creative, however... they were learned to me as bein' crawdads.)

bah! pinch the tail suck the head... nice! those are the only two rules at my house when lovely ladies that i have a sexual attraction to grace me with their presence :) so me and crawdaddies got sumpin' in common...

anyways they're good. good. goooooooooood.

so...if you've ever been in this position raise your hand...
(not yet matthew) i haven't even said it yet.

So you find a particularly cute specimen of the opposite sex that strikes your fancy. for some reason, something about them just gets deep down inside of ya and at any given second, when youre around this person you just wanna... bite them on the ass! they just look so scrumptious.. how can you contain yourself?!?!!? youre just gonna bust unless you get a lil taste or at least a 4 hour session of passionate, unbelievable, necklace ripping, ass slapping, picture breaking, pillow biting sex! and then they say the worst of worsteses. the baddest of bads...

"You have got to meet my friend "*****" she/he is so pretty and she/he plays this that and the other. [[and the worst of all]](she/he)eeeeees single."

NOTE: (**) means look to the bottom...

OH! YOU DID NOT JUST TRY TO PAWN ME OFF?! Dammit, first of all, do you think i dont know what youre doing. I DO! do i look that (**)naieve... maybe, but if i do its because i dont wanna let you know that you just ripped off my head and pulled out my soul!

GOOD GOD. okay by a show of hands.. one, two, three... common common be honest... four, five, six, seven... yes, even if your gay... thanks lucas...eight, nine, ten... good. that enough my point is made. sux huh. yeah it does.

but i haveta say...this time... with a sad sigh... i was the one trying to pawn the person off... and i'm sorry :( it sux, i know. you all hate me... and the only thing i have to say to that is...

F*** YEAH... Join the club!!! You honestly think it hurts my feelings if you dont like me?! Ha! Like one of my bestest buds says.. "Boooooooo". Bring it Fockers! The more of you that hate me the longer I will poison your thoughts and haunt your dreams!!! and i'll have something else to keep me busy at night.

So all you Kappa Lambda F***s out there... F*** OFF!
Bruce or should i say "WADE" ... F*** OFF!
Chris, you wanna reason to be mad at me.. heres one.

#1. F*** OFF!

OOOOOOOOOhhhhhh! and you know who.. yes im talkin to you.
... drumroll please... dadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadaaaa

F*** Off! :)

Love Me or Hate Me... I'm Still on your mind!!! Yeeeessss

btw...(that means "by the way", dumba$$) if any of you ever have the nuts [or the perverbial nuts for those females out there] to not run away from the convo like the lil bit**es you are the next time you see me coming....if i owe you a .f***off. , the next time i see you... ill be sure to convey my feelings... in person:) but legally, very politely, and gentleman like. trust me it can be done.

what?! do you think i wont roast anyone on here? common. if you read this and i have mentioned a friend of yours in it... please tell them for me... pleeeeeease :) and if you think you just might be the:

"""OOOOOOOOOhhhhhh! and you know who.. yes im talkin to you."""

that i spoke of above...

just for thinkin it... I may owe you one bonafied, custom made, hand crafted... from the finest minerals this side of da mississippi...

"F*** OFF!"

and btw if anyone owes me a .f***off., which im sure they're out there especially after this post,... send them to:

c/o i dont give a sh*t
3825 i dont give a sh*t lane
eatmya$$ville, d**cheb*g
24824

yes of course the numbers mean something and to spell "mississippi" i used the lil diddy we all learned as kids... well some of us learned the diddy... for you other **imbreds..it goes like this.

M-I-S-S / I-S-S / I-P-P-I

yes... pretty much.
Anyways... lets do some positive shoutouts..

yes i write love songs and poetry and i define my feelings and emotions through lyrics and music but that doesnt mean i cant get a lil heated sometimes... but to the niceness...

Tessa, it was wonderful seeing you once again and meeting your sister and having the lovely opportunity to lay my eyes on your strikingly beautiful mother :)
~Thank you.

Jimmy-Wan-Cannoli! you da man! thanks for the resume assistance and of course saving me from those man-eating goats yesterday.
~Thank you.

Erica, the last few days here... were...
how do you say "educational" in french?
~Thank you

btw the french language sounds sooooo sexy.

Matt, My dawg!

GBooooooooone... Buddaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! miss you man (*tear)

Caaarl, Daytona Kicked ass last night
~Thank you :)

KellyBean... I always feel good when im around beautiful ladies. ~Thank you.

Tara, I'm proud of you that you started your own blog... *tear* shes all grown up now... look at her...blogging on her own.

Cliff, wonderful compliment on my blogging powers! you too are a blogging superhero... later, we shall give ourselves superhero blogging names like "BlogMan!" perhaps "Strong-Blog" or the dreaded "Blog-Vader"... maybe "Darth-Blog" or "The-Blogster" and we can drive around in the "Blog-Mobile!" and live in the "Blog-Cave".. okay, enough billy... okay, sorry billy.

btw having a convo with yourself is quite (**)therapudic..

hmm whoelse to thank...

Megan! you, my friend are one of the coolest of cools i have met.
~Thank you.

hmm...who to thank...who to thank...who to thank

My Parents for not disowning me after reading all the profanity in this blog. Thank you so much:) love you, see you soon... great ziti mom :)

NO PEOPLE ITS RESPECT!!! I LOVE MY FAMILY AND RESPECT THEM. IF YOU WERE DISRESPECTED IN ANYWAY BY WHAT I HAVE PREVIOUSLY STATED IN THIS BLOG...

GOOD!!! I MEANT TO DISRESPECT YOU! YOU DONT DESERVE MY RESPECT! :)

now that we got that out of the way...

DAMN, im on a roll now, but i think, i said everything i wanted to say except... dont forget.. where there is a (**) that means the meaning is at the bottom of the page...see if you can find them all. its like an easter egg hunt.

and just in case i forgot one or two people..

(F*** Off!) and (~Thank You)

Here I am ... signing off. finally you basta**s!

Sincerely,
~Blogger The Great!

this is what the (**) means...

if i spelled it wrong, look it up and email me the correct spelling please. and if you found them all before reading this... wow! you are bored! but it was a challenge and I think i would try to find it too..if after reading this you went back to find them all....well........no comment.

so with your correct spellings or comments...

you can send them to:

getalifemoron@youreadumbbasta**.com

common you had to see that one commin...

signing off at 2:19 a.m.

what!? i put a lot of thought into these blogs... if you ever took anything this seriously in your life you may not be a loser... notice i said "may not" these blogs come with no gaurantees, Exchanges, Returns...and absolutely NO REFUNDS!

bye.

okay now it's 2:35 a.m. ... what?! i wasnt done. but now megans IM window is flashing and its annoying me so buh bye all sleep tight :)

by the way if you wanna comment just click the "comment" button at the botton.. yup... right down there.. see it? good.

Friday, June 04, 2004

Rain Much?

Music: "Can you stand the rain?" by Boys II Men
Mood: Somber

It's just after 5 on Friday June 4th and I've just gotten back from a beautiful drive...

About 1/4 of the way through, the air changed from a warm, dry, and burning bright.. to cool and crisp. Almost as if GOD dimmed the lights and topped the sky with sprinkles of the arctic and in an instant... it was beautiful.. perfectly cool with a romantically deep lit canopy draped over the world.

And the rain couldnt come soon enough...

like a single tear splashing in my palm, the first rain drop found itself onto my windshield... and that.. was it's purpose. There are those that say everything happens for a reason.. "everything" not just "somethings". So in the great vision of the world, GOD made it so at that very moment, at that very spot, there is a reason that one specific rain drop found itself where it did. And maybe this is why. That single tiny droplet of water served as the inspiration for this entry...

The rain, to me, is the most beautiful gift that we have been given... Companied with the rolling thunder and crashing lightning...that has been the basis for many poems, songs, paintings, photographs, and perfectly intimate moments with the one i love the most. Or in some cases, perfectly intimate moments spent with the love of my life... in my thoughts and my prayers.

The rain, to me, is a shower, a fresh start. Washing away the imperfections that have somehow found themselves into our delicate hearts turning what was once pure and loving into something else... something not so pure, something not so ethereal.

So the next time you find that the skys have opened up and sun has ducked behind the grayest of clouds, savor it. If you feel so inclined to, and I highly suggest it... go for a walk... WITH NO UMBRELLA.. or if you aren't as daring as I...throw on some older clothes, grab an umbrella and go for a stroll. Hopefully you will have someone to share it with and if you don't... try to capture the moment; not keep it, but take a mental picture of the moment and keep your eyes closed doing your best to describe what you feel an how it makes you feel... just try it.

until next time.. I have some BBQ ribs to enjoy :)

if you havent heard "can you stand the rain?" by Boys II Men... please do.

~Billy 5:38 p.m. 6/04/04

p.s. thanks for the rain drop...

Thursday, June 03, 2004

Map This / Change that

So after a few Coronas 2 incence sticks (jasmine) mmm...jasmine.. one of the hottest disney characters ever! kind reminds me of my friend Krupa. shes hot as well.. spicy even!

anyways...allen, garrett, and myself lit a pimp candle, cause thats the kind of candles pimps have (pimp candles) and we sat on my kitchen floor and had some kick ass convo about the band. from old lessons to new horizons... then my friend erica joined the party.. the more the merrier, thats how i see it at least...

3 guys 1 girl... YESSSSS!!!

so garrett and i continued to drink the rest of the coronas after allen headed home and erica proceeded to read her book... garrett and i pimp-walked out to my patio for some interesting pimp convo on the aftermath of having sex with someone because it's fun. good convo and BTW i knew as soon as that bastard broke the seal he'd but up every 2 min. that kid has a bladder the size of a tuna sandwich. anyways...

so there we sat, on the patio, it was good clean fun.

however... you may be asking yourself...

when does the bitching come along?

wait a tick! he hasnt ranted about anything yet!!!

ALAS MY FRIENDS THE TIME IS NEAR!!!

so after everything.. it was a good night, a good convo, and time for some good sleep...

Ahhh...ZZZzzzzz

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!

sh*t! i spoke too soon!!! almost good sleep!!!

DAMMIT WHOS CALLING!!??!!

then i receive a call from possibly one of the most beautiful people that has ever walked our doomed planet. yes ladies and gentlemen ...the one...the only....the infamous....the computer savy...

TESSA!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!

The crowd goes wild... TESSA! TESSA! TESSA! WHOOP! WHOOP! WHOOP! (swirling fist in the air)

so the phone rings at like 9:45 this morning and thank GOD for caller ID cause it was Tessa calling me from work... which by the way is the only place Tessa calls me from. I think it's so when her boyfriend looks at her cell phone bill he wont see that shes totally head over heels for the B. Floyd! or maybe its because she doesnt want me to have her cell number

... eh i like the first one better... yeah.

...its because she loves me! :)

anyways... do you know how long i was on the phone with her??! huh!?!? do ya? do ya? kenya guess?

mapping network drives, changing security clearance, adding user accounts, and administrative accounts, changing passwords, and access rights...

ahhh!!!!

not something i want to deal with at 12:00 in the afternoon!?!?
---Wait a tick!--- you just said she called you at 9:45 and now youre saying...

what?! no way 12:00 p.m.?!? R U SERIOUS?! you were on the phone with her for how long? You have got to be shitting tiffany cufflinks! and for what? for who? and why did i do this???

because ladies and gentlemen im addicted.
Im addicted to beautiful women and it will be my downfall.
It's like someone being addicted to cigarettes...
but theres a medical reason why youre addicted...
...it's the nicotine.. yes..the nicotine.

well thats what beautiful women are to me, they are my nicotine they amaze me? Is it because they're beautiful???.. perhaps a lil but mostly because the're so interesting to figure out. they're not difficult to figure out but they are more challenging than a pretty girl or a cute girl. the cuties and pretties are easy to figure out. its the HOT ones that get me...

damnit all to hell!!!

is there a hot girl patch i could wear? maybe some gum i could chew? what would ease my craving for the hottness??? Well my people!

when youre thirsty.. what do you do? you drink somethin'
when youre hungry??? thats right ... chomp friggin chomp...

so when i have a craving for "the hottness" what do i do???
well theres only one way to satisfy that craving and unfortunately for me it doesn come in vhs, dvd or paperback... it gotztabe the real thing. i need a hot girl... a damn hot girl... a girl that i have no business even standing next to... thats the only thing that can do it...

so i set out on my journey and i bring my weapon of choice with me..

"What is it?" you may ask!!!... oh no no no i will never tell, but its a sure thing. the ladies can't resist it, they try to but it's like gravity or a big huge ginormous magnet and the Ladies are the Hottness and the Hottness is metal.. and Metal Loves Magnets!!!

Screw off!!! I like my analogy... lol. i just said "anal" thats awesome!

========DING SUBJECT CHANGE==========

ring. ring. friggin ring. it's 12:34 and guess who just called me...

...thats right: TESSA!!! and she cant get to her address book...
what i really want to tell her is to get in her car and come to my house so we can shoot each other with tranquilizer darts and f**k like stoned test bunnies. yeesss.

okay... that was fun 12:46 off the phone, she really is a sweet heart. maybe im missing the picture, maybe she asks me for help just like a damsel in distress would ask superman for help... maybe its kind like when marzipan asks homestar runner to open the pickle jar for her... or when carmen electra was like "hey billy oh my god you friggin rock!! oh please oh please lemme suck your..."

i mean...whaaat??!

or when that really hot air conditioner fixer girl was like..

"hey do you mind taking you hand of my 'utility belt'?"

whatever!.. she liked it...

anyways... what was i talking about....
................................oh yeah

maybe she likes me... like... likes me likes me and im just too blind to see it. or maybe she doesnt.

eh, i think she does.
She wantzme!!!
SHe thinks Im Deeeeead Seeexy!!

=========DING SUBJECT CHANGE========

There have been times when I have told someone ...

"yeah im here for ya anytime... dont hesitate.. it all good."

And then they take complete advantage of it calling! and asking! and begging! and i need this! and i need that! and I need the other thing!
...and I'm like "DAMN!" I mean I know i said i was here for you anytime you needed anything but i didnt really mean anytime!!!

I meant when it's convenient for me!!!!! GEEZ!!!

okay... now that i got that out of the way...

time for a corona and a shower...and of course a lime...

and YES AT THE SAME TIME.

Ever have an ice cold beer in a steamy hot shower... its the best of both worlds. I suggest you try it.

ill leave you with this quote...

"as the passions of life make their way through the starry backlit canopy that the night carries...remember that I will always be here for you and youll be there for me. because love is the bond that will hold us together forever."
~pbf

pbf <-- thats me btw "pretty boy floyd"

out!

1:41 p.m.